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Hello, my Gorgeous friends!

Today, we are going to be talking about something that can truly change how you feel about yourself. Even when you aren’t consciously aware of it, it has a huge impact on your own head space.

I know that some of the times I have had the biggest shift in my feelings toward my appearance have been related to my hair.

The Early Journey

I remember being so frustrated with my hair early in my transition. It grew too slowly, was too rough, and didn’t look good enough. It was frustrating, to say the least. I had this idea that I wanted to not get it cut so it could grow out faster.

I learned fairly quickly that I needed to get it cut so it would stay healthy. That created a new stress of trying to find somewhere to get my haircut and feel accepted.

Even beyond that, What about a hairstyle? Should I get layers? Do I even need to worry about that at this length? Are there products I should get to care for my hair?

I was confronted with many questions and an overwhelming amount of information to process. As someone who had been required to keep short hair my entire life, I found it an entirely new experience.

I’m excited to walk you through my whole hair care routine, step by step, with tips tailored for different hair types. No matter where you’re starting from, these tips are designed to help you achieve your own hair goals and feel more confident about every strand.

Finding where to go

I understand firsthand how intimidating finding a salon can be. In my experience, there are a few ways to go about it.

If you have feminine-presenting friends close to you, find out where they go and if they would recommend their person.

Sites like strandsfortrans.org keep a catalog of businesses that have actively added themselves to the list as trans-friendly. I know this isn’t a complete list, but these are businesses that have put themselves on it.

The last most broad-spectrum approach is to look for local salons and gauge how you feel about them based on reviews and the location. Most places will cut people’s hair, which won’t be a big deal.

You should gauge how often you need a haircut with your hairstylist as you grow out your hair. I have found that a trim about every 6-10 weeks keeps my hair the healthiest and feeling the best.

Understanding your Hair Type

Hair type can have a huge impact on how we care for our hair and why we choose the products we do. For example, I have wavy hair (type 2), so brushing my hair when it’s dry can be super painful and damaging. It’s also more likely to become frizzy throughout the day.

As I talk through different hair types, please consider your hair since it can help inform your journey.

1. Straight Hair (Type 1)

Texture: Sleek, smooth, and often naturally shiny. Straight hair tends to reflect light easily, giving it that glossy look. However, because the natural oils from your scalp can travel down the hair shaft without much resistance, it can get oily quicker than other types.

Challenges: The main struggle? Volume! Straight hair can sometimes fall flat, and oily roots are a common complaint.

Bonus Tip: Lightweight products are your friend here. Stick to things that won’t weigh your hair down—think mousse or volumizing sprays. And dry shampoo? A lifesaver. It’ll help you extend your style and keep that fresh look between washes.

2. Wavy Hair (Type 2)

Texture: This hair type sits between straight and curly, with beautiful S-shaped waves. It can range from barely-there waves to a more defined beachy texture.
Challenges:** Wavy hair can sometimes get a bit frizzy or lose its wave definition, especially in humid environments. It can also be a bit indecisive, sometimes wanting to be straight, sometimes curly. Believe me, this is endlessly frustrating when you have a vision in your mind of how you’ll look for your date.
Bonus Tip: The key here is balance—finding a routine that defines your waves without making them heavy or greasy. Look for lightweight leave-in conditioners, curl creams, or mousse to enhance your natural texture, and don’t be afraid to scrunch your hair as it dries!

3. Curly Hair (Type 3)

Texture: Spirals, ringlets, and curls, oh my! Curly hair can range from loose, bouncy curls to tighter ringlets and tends to have a lot of personality.
Challenges:** Curly hair often craves moisture but is more prone to dryness and frizz because the oils from the scalp have a harder time traveling down the curls. This means we may wash our hair less and focus more on moisturizing products.
** Bonus Tip: ** Moisture is everything! Make sure you’re using a sulfate-free, hydrating shampoo and conditioner. Leave-in conditioners or curl creams are great for defining and keeping frizz at bay. Pro tip: avoid overbrushing, which can disrupt your curls—finger combing is often a better way to keep the shape intact.

4. Coily Hair (Type 4)

Texture: Tight, springy curls or zig-zag patterns that form close to the scalp. Coily hair is beautifully intricate and often looks the shortest because of shrinkage, but trust me, there’s length there!
Challenges:** Coily hair tends to be the driest of all hair types, making moisture retention a top priority. Shrinkage can also make it tricky to show off that gorgeous length.

Bonus Tip: Hydration, hydration, hydration! Deep conditioning treatments are essential to keeping your coils soft and manageable. Try the LOC (liquid, oil, cream) method to lock in moisture and protect your length. Stretch styles like twist-outs or braid-outs can help minimize shrinkage.

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Bonus: Hair Thickness & Porosity

Hair Thickness: This refers to how wide your hair strands are. You can have fine, medium, or thick hair, which affects what products and styling techniques work best for you. Fine hair is more prone to looking flat, while thick hair can be more resistant to styling.

Bonus Tip: For fine hair, go easy on the heavy products and opt for lightweight volumizers. For thick hair, you might need richer, more hydrating products to penetrate your strands.

Porosity: Porosity is how well your hair absorbs and retains moisture. Low-porosity hair means your strands have a tighter surface and can repel moisture, making it harder for products to sink in. On the other hand, high-porosity hair absorbs moisture easily but also loses it just as quickly.

Tip: If you have low-porosity hair, focus on lightweight, water-based products and use heat (like a warm towel or steam) to help them absorb. For high-porosity hair, rich creams and oils are your go-to for sealing in moisture and preventing frizz.

Once you know your hair type and porosity, you can customize your routine to meet your hair’s unique needs. No two heads of hair are the same, but with the right knowledge, you can create a routine that helps your hair thrive.

Washing and Conditioning

When I started growing my hair, I assumed it was straight. My hair had always been thick, and I’d never grown it out before. As I started growing it out, I kept using the same schedule and products I’d always used. I thought I could just let it grow and that it would eventually be long and perfect. But as it got longer, I had more and more problems with those products and that routine.

I ended up getting my hair cut, which was really hard at the time. It felt like I was losing so much length. The truth is, though, it helped my hair feel softer and more natural. Not only that, but it helped my hair look better. As it grew longer and longer, the trims to keep my hair healthy became less and less of a blow to my length.

Something that really helped me with my hair at this stage was finding a stylist I trusted, and I started going to her every 6-10 weeks. This allowed me to ask questions about my hair and also allowed her to notice if it needed anything.

Through that experience, I started learning about different products. At first, I bought more “feminine” shampoo and conditioner—it smelled nice but didn’t really help my hair. Once I figured out my hair type and bought products designed for it, I saw a huge difference in how it behaved. I went from thinking my hair was straight to realizing it was wavy and soft.

A big adjustment was that I couldn’t wash my hair every day. Because of my hair texture, washing it daily left it feeling dry and often more frizzy and brittle. I found that washing it twice a week is perfect for me. If your hair is straight, you might need to wash it a couple more times. Other hair types may need to be cleaned even less often. Don’t be afraid to experiment! Also, remember dry shampoo can be your friend if you wake up late and your hair feels a bit greasy!

My time at the gym also impacts my hair. I’m in the gym frequently, and I’ve found that as I sweat, I need to do a little extra hair care. I don’t tend to wash my hair fully, though. After a workout, I give my hair a quick rinse while I’m showering just to get the sweat out. I don’t do a full wash and condition—just a rinse, and then I let it dry.

So, how do we wash and condition? This is one of those basics I had to learn as I was transitioning, and no one talks about it! Something I never had to think about with short hair was how to apply shampoo and conditioner. When your hair is short, you just shampoo it and condition it—easy as that. But when your hair is longer, you need to take care of it a bit differently.

Simply put, shampoo goes on the scalp and roots, while conditioner goes on the middle to the ends of your hair. So, what does that really look like?

When you wash your hair, focus the shampoo on the roots. What I find most effective is to get all your hair wet, lather the shampoo between your hands, and then start scrubbing your scalp. Don’t worry about the ends too much. I usually flip my head upside down for this part—it helps me get under all my hair to the scalp without fighting through my hair.

Once your scalp is nice and soapy, rinse it out. The shampoo will run through your ends, and that’s totally fine.

Next up: conditioner!

When conditioning, focus on the middle to ends of your hair. Again, rub the conditioner between your hands first, then spread it through the middle to the ends. I also tend to do this upside down, which helps me make sure I get all my hair more easily. I take this chance to run my fingers through my hair to ensure the conditioner is evenly spread. I keep a claw clip in the shower to pull my hair up, letting the conditioner sit while I take care of other things—washing my face, shaving, etc. After a few minutes, I rinse it out. Because of my hair texture, when I’m rinsing my hair, I have a specific shower hair brush, and I use this chance to brush through my hair while rinsing out conditioner. It’s when my hair is least vulnerable to tangling and lets me get loose hair out. If you have straight hair, do not brush it in the shower.

Bonus tip: If you have color-treated hair, you can extend the color by washing and conditioning it in cold water.

Some brands I currently like:

Treatments

Throughout this whole journey of hair care, there are so many products out there that promise amazing results or specific things. Some work and some don’t. It’s a good thing to give your hair a little extra boost occasionally. There are a lot of different types of hair treatments.

Here are some of the more basic ones to get you started:

1. Deep Conditioning Masks

Think of deep conditioning masks as your favorite recharge activity but for your hair. These masks are designed to give your strands some serious TLC. I’m talking about moisture, softness, and that healthy shine we all crave. Most are rich in oils, proteins, and vitamins that help repair damage and keep your hair nourished. I like to use them once a week, sometimes every other week, depending on how thirsty your hair is.

Bonus Tip: If you’re looking for maximum results, pop on a shower cap and let the mask sit for 15-20 minutes. Maybe throw on a podcast or scroll TikTok while your hair soaks in the goodness. This is also a great opportunity to treat yourself to a nice bubble bath. My personal favorite hair mask right now is SheaMoisture – Manuka Honey & Yogurt

1. Bond & Protein Treatments

If your hair’s been through the wringer—bleach, heat styling, over-processing—you’ll want to add a protein or bond treatment to your routine. These treatments strengthen your hair by patching up any breakage or damage. It’s like giving your strands a suit of armor to help them fight off future damage. Just be careful not to overdo it! Too much protein can actually make your hair brittle, so once a month is usually plenty. Even less if you don’t heat style or use harsh products on your hair.

3. Oil Treatments

Oils are the MVPs when it comes to smoothing and softening your hair. Oils can lock in moisture and give your hair that sleek, shiny finish. You can use them as a pre-shampoo treatment, leave them in overnight, or just apply a little to your ends after styling for some extra shine.

Bonus Tip: If you have type 2 or 3 hair, a little oil can help control your frizz, but a little goes a long way.

4. Leave-In Conditioners

Sometimes, you just need a bit of love on the go. Leave-in conditioners are perfect for adding moisture and detangling without the need to rinse. They’re lightweight and won’t weigh your hair down, making them ideal for everyday use. Plus, they’re awesome for giving your hair some extra hydration between washes. I personally use a leave-in after every wash to help my curls, and I have an overnight one I do the day before a wash.

Heat protection and Styling

I’ll be totally honest with you all: My day-to-day hair is pretty low-maintenance. When I head for an event or even a date, that’s when the hair weapons come out. Heat styling tends to be a way of life for a lot of us, though. We seek the perfect curls, perfectly straight, perfect waves, etc. These styles look amazing, but they can take a toll on our hair if we aren’t taking steps to protect it.

If you use heat to style and/or dry your hair, whether it’s a blow dryer or other styling tool, you should always use heat protectant. Heat protectant is just a little extra layer of safety for your hair, and it can be really damaging to it over time.

Some typical outcomes of skipping the heat protectant:

Adding a heat protectant to your hair can not only help you avoid the above issues, but it can also help add just a bit of moisture while you’re styling it.

When I use heat on my hair, I usually apply a heat protectant to each layer as I style it.

Now, all of this wasn’t meant to scare you, so don’t stress. If you haven’t been using a heat protectant, all is not lost. Just give your hair some TLC and start using it.

Also, be aware that low and non-heating methods exist to style your hair. There are a lot of tools on the market that are built to do just that. Some are really pricey, though, like the Dyson Airstrait. There are non-heat methods, too, though. Air drying is an option that I often use since my natural wave is adorable, and I’ve put in a lot of work to protect it. If you want strong, well-defined curls, you can always put your hair in curlers before bed for gorgeous curls the next day.

For a bit more advanced, but often really cute and low-effort, you can always do braids once you get the hang of it. I’ll be honest; I still struggle with some forms of braiding on my own head. Basic braids can be really fun and look super cute, though.

Okay, so you’ve protected and styled your hair. Now what?

We add the finishing touches. There are many variations here depending on your style and what you did. For most heated styles, I recommend some hair spray to help it all stay. If you have something like a nice air-dry, depending on your hair type, you could use moose, gel, or oil to add some shine and hold to your hair.

A personal favorite if I’m wearing my hair up is a bit of oil for frizz control and a bow for accessorizing but that’s not for everyone.

My Exact Hair Care Routine

Alright, my feminine-presenting people. Now it’s time for my routine. I love my hair. It’s something that can impact my entire mood and how I feel about myself. If the hair is right, it can make up for a lot. Alternatively, when it’s wrong, it can make everything feel terrible.

Let’s start right at the beginning: shampoo and conditioner. I have a few different routines I like for shampoo and conditioner. Since I’m currently bleaching my hair and I know it needs some extra love, I use Oleplex Shampoo and Conditioner. I will tell you the shampoo from them has the thickest lather; it feels absolutely divine when you massage it into your scalp.

I use a curly girl routine when I’m not bleaching and damaging my hair. I use a Curlsmith Conditioning Wash and Conditioner, no actual shampoo. This lets my hair get clean but also get all the moisture my curls need. When you go to start this routine and periodically it’s a good idea to use a clarifying sulfate-free shampoo. I don’t recommend that as a long-term shampoo though just a once in awhile deep clean.

Once every 1-2 weeks, I treat myself to a bubble bath with a hair mask. I really like the SheaMoisture – Manuka Honey & Yogurt hair mask. There are other really good ones out there. I will sometimes use the Oleplex hair mask.

I usually do one of two things with my hair when it comes to styling. I will either let it air dry. Air drying is by far the most common for me. Or I will blow dry and straighten it.

With air drying, something that really changed my life was watching Chappell Roan talk about her hair routine. After the shower, I will give it a rough towel to dry just to help it along. I will then scrunch in leave in-conditioner; I like the Curlsmith airdry. I then add some Curlsmith gel. I get the gel in my part close to my roots to help control if my hair gets frizzy.

If I notice that my hair is a bit frizzy or usually on day 2 of my hair, I will add oil. Lately, I have been using the oleplex bond oil. The night before I shower I will usually add the Joico Sleepover to my hair and leave it in overnight.

When I decide to straighten it, I still give it a rough towel dry, but then I need to work on protecting my hair. My next step is to spray in a heat protectant. I’m currently using Eleven Australia Miracle Hair Treatment Once I have that in I will put the diffuser on my blow dryer and blow dry my hair until it’s dry. This can take a while, so be ready for a good arm workout.

Once that’s done, I will split my hair to give me just the bottom layer of hair. I will spray that with the heat protectant again and then run through it with my hot tool. I will keep pulling down layers and working through them with the same pattern. For my hair, I tend to do my hair in 6 layers. I always give special attention to the face-framing hair. To help frame my face, I twist the straightener just a bit and pull it toward the back of my head as I work on those pieces. This gives the pieces around my face a bit of curve while keeping them less in my face.

From here, I enjoy my hair for a couple of days. Usually, claw clips and hair ties are my go-to at home. Sometimes, I’ll use a hair tie while I’m out. Make sure to use a hair tie that won’t damage or break your hair. I like these.

When I sleep at night, I pull all my hair into a silk bonnet and wear it to bed. This helps protect my hair and style, but it also helps me sleep better since it keeps me from waking up to a faceful of my hair. A bonus to this is that I can usually wake up in the morning, and my hair is still in good shape. It just needs a quick brush or for my fingers to go through it.

I tend to see my hair specialist every six weeks for a quick trim and a touch-up on my color.

Conclusion:

Alright, my Fem Friends. Spending time on your hair can positively impact your mental health. Embrace that everyone’s hair is different, and experiment with your hair. Find a routine that works for you and your hair.

Take a couple minutes today and show your hair some love.

Do you have an excellent haircare tip? Feel free to share it in the comments! Remember to connect with me on social media and sign up for my newsletter so you get all of my updates and posts!

Let’s start the year off right together!

X.O.
Kwin